How to Win Friends & Influence People by Dale Carnegie Summary

How to Win Friends & Influence People by Dale Carnegie

In this post, we will tell you the summary of How to Win Friends & Influence People by Dale Carnegie.

Summary of How to Win Friends & Influence People by Dale Carnegie

You could wish to persuade your manager that you are deserving of a promotion. You could wish your child or partner to eat healthier. Perhaps you’re desperate to persuade your partner to refrain from applying for a fifth credit card and to begin taking your personal finances more seriously jointly. We’ve all been in circumstances where we wish we could have an impact on others. However, caution is advised before attempting this. Usually, it only leads to an argument in which both parties are more convinced than ever before of their previous positions. However, there are methods that can assist you in avoiding this. In this article, we’ll go through some of these techniques by analyzing the summary of How to Win Friends & Influence People by Dale Carnegie.

Example # 1

A fishing competition was taking place between two fishermen. One of them thought: “I like strawberries and cream. So, therefore, I will bait the hook with strawberries and cream”. The other one thought: “I don’t really like maggots. However, I think fish like maggots a lot. So, therefore, I will bait the hook with maggots”.

Who do you think won the competition?

The same approach applies to humans as it does to fish: “bait the hook to suit the fish.” The only way to get other people to do what you want is to talk about it and teach them how to acquire it.

Takeaway # 1: Arouse in the other person an eager want.

If you want to persuade your supervisor that you deserve a promotion, for example, stating your personal reasons for desiring one is pointless. Instead, demonstrate and explain why a higher compensation would be in your boss’s best interests.

Let’s say you’re trying to persuade your child to consume more nutritious foods. Again, giving your own reasons for wanting him to do so is pointless. Instead, demonstrate and explain why it would be advantageous to him. The same logic applies when trying to persuade your spouse that saving and investing more would be advantageous.

Whatever your motivations are, he or she is unlikely to be intrigued. Ask yourself instead, “How can I make this individual want to do it?” Start seeing things from other people’s points of view, and you’ll be well on your way to becoming more influential.

Before we move on to the next takeaway, I’d like you to consider a circumstance in your life that you’d like to affect. Consider a desire you can arouse in the other person that is compatible with your own. It doesn’t matter if the problem is related to a job, a romance, or a friendship; just try to use the advice and you’ll remember it more quickly.

Example # 2

Tommy was the most infamous bad boy at school. He instigated fights among the class’s boys, teased all of the girls, and was new to the teachers. Mrs. Hopkins, one of the school’s instructors, was about to enroll Tommy in her class for the new school year. She was a nervous wreck. She did, however, take a different approach with Tommy than past teachers had, because their approaches didn’t appear to work.

When meeting the new students in the class on the first day, she gave them small praises: “Alicia, I understand that you are great with numbers”. When she came to Tommy she said, “Tommy, I understand that you are a natural leader. I am going to depend on you to help me in making this class the best one in the school this year”. She emphasized this over the next three days by encouraging the boy. Tommy had a lot to live up to now, and he didn’t let anyone down.

Takeaway # 2: Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.

Though you want to help someone improve in a specific attribute, act as if they already have it. It is said that if you call a dog a bad name, you should hang him. But see what happens if you give him a decent name.

Example # 3

Returning to our examples. Instead of criticizing and complaining about your spouse’s financial irresponsibility, attempt to encourage and locate situations where the person already embodies the attributes you seek. Emphasize them, and possibly you should even relinquish responsibility for certain aspects of your personal finances and demonstrate that you commit this to the other person. They will almost certainly do everything they can to avoid disappointing you.

Which of the following scenarios do you believe person A is more likely to persuade person B of her point of view?

Situation 1:

Person B: “What? Investing money? That doesn’t sound too fun. Nah, I think I’m going to buy myself that suit we saw the other day. We still have two hundred dollars left from this month’s salary anyway!”.

Person A: “Oh. you really are hopeless when it comes to money! It’s so obvious that I’m the only one in this household with a degree in economics! I tell you, if we keep spending like this, we will have to work forever. You know, what? No, I decide that we will take this money and we will put it in the stock market”.

Situation 2:

Person B: “What? Investing money? That doesn’t sound too fun. Nah, I think I’m going to buy myself that suit we saw the other day. We still have two hundred dollars left from this month’s salary anyways”.

Person A: “You would look so good in that suit, darling”.

Person B: “You think? Thanks, babe!

Person A: “Do you remember when we met that 40-year old couple during our last trip to Sweden, the ones who had retired already?”.

Person B: “Yeah, I remember them, why?”.

Person A: “You and I said that it would be wonderful to have the same kind of freedom as they had at such a young age”.

Person B: “Yea, hmm, I was quite jealous actually when they talked about how much time they have to spend with their kids”.

Person A: “Didn’t they say that it all started when they decided to invest $100 every month and put that money in the stock market?”,

The situation in which it is more likely to persuade person B is, of course, situation two.

Takeaway # 3: The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.

This is how most arguments end: Even if you win and persuade the other person that he is incorrect (which may be difficult), pride will make it difficult for the other person to back down. Instead, you should agree with the elements of the other person’s argument that you agree with. After you’ve left the issue, you move on to discussing your point of view and the benefits that come with it.

By the way, there’s a bonus takeaway in discussion two about how to influence others. It was that you should always begin a conversation by asking the other person to say, “Yes… yes,” in order to get them to agree before trying to persuade them of something.

Example # 4

Have you ever wondered why every single infomercial appears to have magical properties in its products? It’s because telling the truth isn’t enough; the truth must also be vivid, fascinating, and dramatic.

Takeaway # 4: Dramatize your ideas

Returning to our previous examples. If you want your kids to eat better, don’t merely tell them that they’ll get stronger and be able to fight off bullies if they do. To dramatize your views, show them a few role models. You could, for example, watch Popeye together. Now, I’ve almost convinced you that this book is about persuasion, but it’s actually called “How to Win Friends and Influence People.”

Takeaway # 5: Three ways to make people like you

Show a genuine interest

People don’t care about you, and they don’t care about me either. Morning, noon, and after dinner, they are just interested in themselves. A toothache is more important to a person than a conflict in another country that kills thousands of people.

Remember to be a good listener, speak in terms of the other person’s benefits and interests, and make that person feel important the next time you start a conversation.

Smile

Why do you believe that the dog is the best buddy in the world? It’s because they’re genuinely pleased to see us, and they demonstrate this not with words but with actions. When you give someone a smile, it shows them, “I like you, you make me happy.” I’m delighted to see you.” Who doesn’t admire someone who consistently demonstrates this? Smiling has a tremendous influence even when it is not visible, therefore it can be employed in circumstances other than face-to-face meetings.

Remember names

A person’s name is the nicest and most precious word in any language to that individual. Remember this the next time you meet someone you’d like to make friends with. Repeat their name during your first discussion. Ask how it’s spelled if it’s a tricky one. If the person has a foreign name, this approach is even more beneficial.

The bottom line: How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie Summary

5 lessons are:

  • There is only one way to get someone to do something: make them want to do it.
  • Act as if the person already possesses the trait you want to improve.
  • Avoid disputes since they will only reinforce the other person’s current opinions.
  • Present your thoughts in a style that is vibrant, fascinating, and dramatic.
  • Show real curiosity, smile, and recall a person’s name to make a good first impression. 

Well, this was the summary of How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie. I hope you enjoyed it. For more books summaries, visit our website.

Note: Also read Summary of 7 Habit of Highly Effective People

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