According to Daniel Goleman, intelligence isn’t everything. Our current understanding of intelligence is very limited. Ignoring key abilities that define our success in life. EQ, or emotional intelligence, is the superior metric that Goleman prefers to employ to quantify life achievement. These are the five components.
So how do we improve our emotional intelligence?
Goleman offers various insights throughout the book. I’ll go over the ones that I found the most useful and I think you will too.
When you vent when you’re angry, you’re only prolonging your bad mood. The author tells a story of getting into a cab in New York. A young man moves out of the path as the furious cab driver honks his horn. The young man performs a bird flip. ‘You son of a bitch,’ the cab driver responds. After revving the engine loudly in rage as a cab drives away, the driver says, “You can’t take shit from anyone, therefore you’ve got to holler back at least it makes you feel better.”
The author claims that releasing your anger does not make you feel better, citing evidence from various research. Instead, it prolongs and intensifies your rage. It increases arousal in the emotional brain, making people feel angry. But don’t get me wrong. When you’re unhappy, venting is a terrific method to get your feelings validated, but when you’re angry, it’s not as helpful. So, what can you do to regulate your anger when you feel it coming on?
[a] Relax and slow your heart rate by taking a few deep breaths. This assists your body in transitioning from a high to a low arousal state.
[b] Take a walk, but don’t think about anything that makes you angry.
[c] Write down any negative thoughts that come to mind and then reinterpret them. Instead of thinking, “Oh, she’s so grouchy all the time for no reason, it drives me nuts,” take down the thought and reframe it to “Perhaps she’s just had a horrible day at work.”
A saleswoman becomes unhappy and spends so much time worrying about it that she misses critical sales calls. Linda Klein makes her feel like a failure, which contributes to her sadness. However, if she tried to divert herself from her sorrow by making sales calls, she might well do so to take her mind off the sadness. Sales would be less likely to fall, and the experience of making a transaction would likely enhance their self-confidence, alleviating some of their sadness.
What is the author’s point here? He claims that thinking bad thoughts will drag you deeper into depression. The chain of melancholy is broken by distractions. Maintaining and thinking that the finest diversions are those that change your mood, such as watching a hilarious movie, reading an encouraging book, or attending an exciting sporting event. Distractions, he claims, are more useful than sobbing since crying often promotes rumination and prolongs discomfort.
Goleman offers more solutions to managing sadness.
- You can engage in aerobic activity. It is beneficial in that it alters your physiological state. Depression causes a low arousal state, whereas aerobic exercise causes a high arousal state.
- Aim for quick success. Reap the benefits of those tiny jobs you’ve been putting off for a while.
- Change the context. Take note of negative ideas when they arise, just like you would with anger, and try to perceive them in a more positive way.
- Finally, assist those who are in need. It allows us to sympathize with others while also lifting us out of depression.
The manner in which criticism is delivered is crucial. It determines how content people are with their work and the people they work with?
If you’re in charge of people, one of the worst things you can say is, “You’re screwing up,” conveyed in a harsh sarcastic angry tone. It gives no opportunity to comment or make suggestions about how to improve things. It disregards the individual’s sentiments, leaving them helpless and resentful. ‘The biggest concern at this time is that your plan will take too long and hence inflate prices,’ says the critic. ‘I’d like you to think further about your idea, specifically the design for your program. ‘If you can figure it out quickly, do it.’ This gives them hope of improving and suggests the start of a strategy to accomplish so. According to the author, you’ll need four elements to provide constructive criticism effectively. They are:
- Be specific.
- Offer a solution.
- Do it face to face
- Be sensitive by showing empathy
Emotional contagion, according to the author, sets the emotional tone. The power to influence another person’s emotional state through emotional contagion, according to Goleman, is at the heart of influencing people, whether by speaking, teaching, singing, or any other form of interpersonal communication.
Well, this is the summary of Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman. If you like this summary, visit our website for more book summaries.